And How Does That Make You Feel?

Last time Joshua Fletcher was in Whitby, he was on a pub crawl.

“Me and my mate Sean ended up playing pool, hustling the locals, had a good laugh, ate famous Whitby fish and chips, then face planted the bed in the hotel. It was really fun.”

It’s perhaps not what you’d expect from a renowned psychotherapist with a string of qualifications and hundreds of thousands of social media followers thanks to his candid advice, and a mission to de-stigmatise therapy with a healthy dose of northern humour.

Joshua, 36, grew up in Greater Manchester, where he lives and works. Next time he’s in Whitby, he says he’s “looking forward to revisiting it in a classier context of a literary festival.”

Joshua will be discussing his book, And How Does That Make You Feel? (Everything You Ever (Never) Wanted to Know about Therapy) with the Guardian journalist and author, David Barnett.

When asked why he got onto this career path, Joshua quotes Carl Jung’s concept of therapists being the ‘wounded healer.’

At 23, while studying to be a teacher, he developed an anxiety disorder – the result of trauma and stress.

“My brother died, and I was his primary carer,” Joshua explains. “He died from cancer at the age of 14, and then my dad died two years later from Motor Neurone Disease, so it kind of messed my brain up. I was also deeply in debt, overcoming cannabis addiction, and I had to sort my head out. It was very difficult. I’d also just come out of a relationship as well, so it all just came together at once, and then my brain started giving me hell on earth: an anxiety disorder.”

Joshua says: “At the time, it didn’t feel I had a lot of help for it. What helped me was discovering psychoeducation, and the works of some of my heroes like Dr. Claire Weeks [who pioneered a groundbreaking method for overcoming anxiety]. It inspired me so much, to combine my work in schools with the love of psychology. So, I went and did my Master’s to become a psychotherapist.”

He adds: “I’ve dedicated my career to working with anxiety and anxiety disorders, but in a way that’s accessible for people. I think I’m a normal everyday guy and I like using humour to talk about difficult subjects, whether it’s through my books or social media.”

Anxiety is a natural response but anxiety disorders can be debilitating.

“I’ve always worried, and everyone gets anxiety but with an anxiety disorder you get panic attacks, you fear fear, you are constantly in a sensitised state, you get intrusive thoughts, and you’re always overthinking everything,” Joshua says.

“I felt I was going crazy. Most of your day feels like you’re in a sense of doom and dread. For me, it got really bad, I rang the ambulance once because I was having panic attacks that were so intense.”

Joshua says statistically, one in five of us will experience an anxiety disorder in our lifetime.

“Either that’s you, or a loved one,” he says.

Joshua feels the rising cost of living, young people not being able to buy a house, the changing job market and uncertainty in global geopolitics all contribute to rising statistics around anxiety, with a strained NHS.

But, he says you don’t need to spend a fortune on Harley Street therapists. His advice is to learn about anxiety, hence setting up The School of Anxiety (www.schoolofanxiety.com) – an online platform with advice, tips, success stories, and podcasts, where you can see his TedX Talk on calming anxiety.

“Firstly, know you’re not weird, it’s a very normal phenomenon. Then, learn about your brain and your body. You’re not your thoughts; you are your interpretation of them. Foster compassion. Realise, okay, there is no pressure to be perfect, and all feelings are transient, so even if you’re having a shit day, know that that feeling is transient, it will pass. Just as happy feelings pass, so do the sad ones.”

Today, Joshua says he’s not completely in control of anxiety as he resists the idea we need to ‘fix’ things we don’t like in a ‘world of self-optimisation.’

“My anxiety disappeared when I learned to leave it the hell alone. My body regulated itself. This constant need to fix oneself is what drives stress, which contributes to anxiety. It’s about embracing it rather than denying it. One of the mottos when I was getting better was, right, ‘how good am I at being anxious today?’ Because that teaches the brain, anxiety is OK.”

Joshua says therapy can help you understand the ‘origins of a response’ but the cliché of something happening in childhood he says can actually make things worse, as there are different modalities in therapy, which he explores in his book. Part of his approach is talking about ‘emotional conservatism.’

“We learn usually from previous generations that we revere not showing or expressing emotions because we have a warped sense of what strength is.”

Is the ultimate aim of therapy to be happier?

“My favourite question to ask every new client is, what do you want from therapy? Very rarely someone says, I just want to be happy. It’s the curiosity of the self, to understand oneself, and when you understand yourself, you’re more likely to be compassionate to yourself.”

And is he now content with life?

“I’m human, so all feelings are welcome. Sometimes I feel content, sometimes I feel happy, sometimes I feel anxious, sometimes I feel sad. And the irony is, the more you accept all emotions, the more likely you are to have the good ones.”

As to Whitby Lit Fest, he says, “I’m looking forward to hearing local writers, interacting with people visiting, and it’s great it’s a northern festival, not just full of poncy Londoners.”

He hopes his book about a therapist who isn’t perfect will help people learn more about a world that’s mostly hidden.

At his talk, he promises: “A peak behind the curtain of a mysterious profession – and I’ll crack a few jokes.”

And How Does That Make You Feel? Is on 7 November, 11.30am at Eighteen91, tickets £5. Book online: whitbylitfest.org